And here are some of those musings…

I often witness people in a way that very few people (if any) get to see. In the therapy space its like the suffocating mask that is so tightly glued on in everyday life can be released for a while. This space allows time to acknowledge what is really going on and that truly unconditionally accepts what is going on no matter how glorious, devastating, controversial, life changing, heartbreaking, irrational, glorious or confusing. The energy it takes to hold this mask on can be absolutely exhausting and having a space to take it off for a while, breathe and explore what is happening beneath is invaluable.

It also gets me thinking about how the mask gets there in the first place. The messages we get sent to be a certain way, to uphold a reputation, to not show our vulnerabilities, or to hide our success as others may be uncomfortable. Or maybe its past experiences, protection to get through the day, trying to prove ourselves, pushing through regardless or a sense of isolation that no one would understand anyway. Maybe its just about being able to play certain roles in our life. All of these reasons are valid for why we wear masks but it really got me wondering about whether we are hiding from ourselves in the process.

Authenticity – a word that gets bandied around way too much but came up in my ponderings at its essence is about being true to who you are. It’s not about being perfect, its not about just leading a life full of happiness as struggle is a part of who we are, its about being true to our own values and sense of who we are in all experiences of life. And that’s not always easy. I am not really a person that puts people on pedestals (as that’s shadow material and needs some owning within myself but that’s whole other topic) however the people I do admire are everyday people who allow themselves to be seen regardless of where they are or who they are around. It works on lots of levels and I believe why this quote spoke to me so much is recognising that it can take enormous courage to be seen, to show people the real you and to be comfortable within yourself regardless of your vulnerabilities, your blind spots, your ‘faults’, your strengths, your connections, your success or your power. Its about connection and finding a sense of the real you in everything you do.

Yep, this sign definitely got me reflecting that’s for sure. I would love to hear your thoughts on what this message has for you…

Til we cross paths again, Be You Bravely!

Take care

Bel

PS I am continuing to do weekly videos answering questions about art therapy, group work and life!

if you want to ask me please feel free to reply with your questions

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While I was away in NZ I made a little vid to give you an idea of what I was getting out of the trip. And you know what, I accidently deleted it – yep its disappeared into the atmosphere. Gone. finished, no longer to be seen.  Here is a pic of the backdrop – pretty nice.

It was a ripper, I was going to do a series but pulled myself up on it and decided to just do the one (shhh I may or may not have snuck another in). Its quite ironic that one of the big learnings while being away was having space and being present to whatever is happening. It would have been great to show you, but its not the end of the world and probably a bit fat reinforcing message from the universe.

The space that was created on the trip reminded me of how I pack so much into my life that there really isn’t any room for me. Time is absorbed by being fully present for my clients/workshops, thinking about business all the time, taking photos for a post, what schedules I need to keep, what I plan to put up on insta and facey, what thing I need to run to next, whose news I needed to catch up on, the next thing to learn or places that I could be. One of the greatest things was having no internet!

While away in nature, I made a conscious effort to be in the moment and tried to absorb the beauty, the experience that was happening right before my eyes – its was bloody hard to see and absorb all that was in front of me as it was so beautiful that it didn’t seem real – I didn’t even take many pics as I can get a little distracted by getting the perfect shot and wanted to discover what was there with every step.

By creating some space, some really big stuff also reared its head. That deep personal stuff that is ignored due to the busyness of life, the things that are easy to pretend aren’t there but at some point in time need to come to the surface. In some ways I don’t really know what it was about, but I knew I needed to do some processing around it. Ideally you would have another art therapist guide you through this but considering I couldn’t just pluck one out of thin air, I allowed a process evolve for myself.

I will explain it more in another post and wont bore you with the details now, but I was reminded to let go of all this crap and breaking it into pieces is the symbolism that touches a space that is beyond conscious thought, beyond words and accesses that deep dark well inside that is wanting to be emptied. That place where things are held ‘safe’ for no one to see but can leak out through various behaviours, attitudes and projections. A place that no one really wants to go, but ignoring it isn’t working either. It needs to come out and be seen so that it can be understood and sent packing to go on its way so you can free yourself from it holding you back anymore. Something was broken down in NZ that will help me step into the future with one of the biggest reminders is that creating space is a wonderful thing to do, whether it be for nourishment, to ponder and reflect, to confront, let go or transition to the next phase – being distracted from yourself is no way to life your life.

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A couple of weeks ago I couldn’t walk after one of our training sessions – I was in agony and wasn’t really ideal considering we were 4 weeks out. I had niggles previously but this was a deliberating I can’t really do anything type of issue – standing up was a challenge. It was incredibly worrying as I had spent my life savings to go on this soul searching adventure and at that point it wasn’t going to eventuate.

I went to the physio and he said I couldn’t do any walking – needed complete rest. Ummm this wasn’t in the plan and I am not ‘fit as a fiddle’ to just cruise to NZ and skip along the track with no worries at all. I really need to train and get my fitness up and this seemed like a bloody disaster. Along with having to get new boots (that need to be worn in) and a few other challenges, its as though there is a big test and a question being asked about whether I really want to go – even though No wasn’t really an option when ‘deciding’ whether to go.

It has certainly been affirmed that this hike does imitate life and here is the answer and many other questions like it.

Yep, it’s not ideal, yes these things can feel like they are going to tip you over the edge but and that’s a big BUT you need to find another way. You can still to achieve what you have set out to do (well lets hope so, will let you know in about 3 weeks!) it is about shifting focus to another way.

One of my favourite saying is ‘I am not going to say its easy, but I am going to say it is worth it’. Bring on the hard work and determination to get some fitness happening in another way. Enter the world of water aerobics and swimming – a new adventure in itself – I don’t even own bathers but don’t care (don’t worry no skinny dipping just leggings and a tshirt) as I am allowing space for whatever needs to happen to be in the best condition to tackle this adventure.

It certainly has been an interesting ride so far with a few comments from others about I can’t believe you would chose this, the joking laughs about me actually doing it, uncalled for lectures about my weight from professionals doing something else or the classic patronising gym/shop assistant who is just going through the motions as they think I am not serious about this.

Well let me tell you something, I am serious about this and the reality is that I have been called to do this. I can’t explain it but one thing is for sure – so far the focus I have sends a very strong message that I deserve to spend time on myself and working towards something so great is rewarding even if there are a few hurdles along the way.

I will find a way to navigate the challenges along this track and know that life is mirrored with every step. I am trying to avoid the word ‘journey’ but it does really seem to fit in this case as what happens along the way informs, gives insight and teaches in the most mysterious ways.

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We have been meeting regularly since our graduation and supported one another through our development of becoming fully fledged art therapists. While we could be seen as competition to one another it has been the complete opposite. It would be easy to keep all the things we have been doing close to our chest in fear that someone might encroach in on our territory. But we share new materials, nut through feelings of insecurity, talk about different approaches, share resources, demonstrate process and most importantly are a sounding board for one another. It is so critical that we have a safe place where we know that there will be an understanding ear, a place not to be perfect and be vulnerable when things have gone a little pear shaped. But also its is a place of learning and celebration – I love that we constantly learn from one another and affirm each other for paving the way, persisting and doing a fabulous job in some very challenging fields. The support from each other makes us better therapists which ultimately helps our clients. I know that after every meeting I feel refreshed and invigorated for what I do and it is really important that we continue to connect.

There are also some other very special people who provide that safe space for me to debrief as they also ‘get it’ and understand the importance of this type of space and community, whether it be at my work or in business. A lot of us are working in an environment where we are a lone ranger and I believe it is vital to have the support of peers or mentors outside of the organisation where you can be open, honest and have an opportunity to learn.

This isn’t just about therapy (although ask any therapist you are going to whether they have supervision – it’s a must) it goes for any profession. There are so many people doing it alone and the isolation can be detrimental as self doubt, disconnection, bad habits, lack of innovation or motivation can creep in. On the other hand having a supportive space (whether it be paid or peer lead) is so important – the investment in time is so valuable as it creates connection, enthusiasm, knowledge, support and passion and that means that you can support your clients more effectively and feel a sense of purpose and meaning in what you do.

Its like the metaphor of a racing car driver – you are in the drivers seat of your own car and you can drive and drive and drive but eventually you need to refuel, clean the windscreen, check the oil and water and maybe even need some new tyres. The pit crew is vital (and more efficient) in keeping the car on the road and helping it get to the finish line in a timely manner!

A massive thanks to my main pit crew…Bindi, Jane, Ky, Cath, Anna, Chris, Jason, Helen, Carly and the  Sass Place Community.

I would love to hear what peers, mentors and safe spaces you have to be better at what you do. I also invite you to ponder who is your pit crew.

Til we chat again

Take care of you

Bel

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I am so frustrated that each step was full of pain and that it was slow, agonising stroll. There were what seemed like millions of steps and the mental battle to get through them was quite the trial.

Then there is the physical aspect, feeling like I have regressed with my fitness due to not being able to train as I would have liked (and lets be honest, never really having exercised as part of my life since school).

But despite all this there is also a sense of achievement as we faced those challenges by stepping one foot in front of the other (or shuffled at times!) . Its also feeling the support and patience of Lisa our leader from Big Heart Adventures who truly demonstrated what this is all about. Its not the race that we have in our mind – its moving toward something else and challenging ourselves to discover something new. Its about getting out there and giving it a go even though there are thousands of reasons not to do it. There were moments where we needed to sit for a while and just take in the view but it’s also about making that decision to get up again and keep walking those bloody steps. It is also about looking back sometimes and recognising how far you have come and celebrating that you have got through that tough path. There are so many metaphors that I could talk about but one thing that I really liked about this morning is the little surprises along the way, including bumping into one of my friends.

I can get all insecure around all those super fit people just jogging up and down the coastline as I am certainly no size 8 fitness model but what I have notice is a culture that is far from what I imagine in my head. It is not actually the exclusive, we are too cool for school type thing – people say ‘good morning’ to one another – something society rarely does, its like there is a connection not only to nature but in a brief moment acknowledging that each other exist, with some taking an interest in what we are training for. There is also the fact that so many of these super fit strangers offered encouragement to ‘keep going’, ‘you are doing well’, ‘this is tough’, I am coaching you as I run past sort of comments that really helped. I loved that I didn’t feel like there was judgement, it was quite the opposite, they acknowledged that we are all giving this a shot and that its tough but that we can all do it no matter how long it takes. It makes me question who was actually doing the judgement – yep, when you point your finger at someone else there are three pointing back at you – certainly the case in this instance.

Then there is the conversation that happens along the way, the thought processes and the recognition of how this trek is so much more than a trek. It was awesome chatting about the realisations that have happened so far about what we are getting from this as the deeply personal process unfolds with each step. I have to remind myself that we are pushing our comfort zone and that doesn’t come easily but also to take notice of the numerous insights that continue to inform. I still wonder how it’s all going to pan out but one things for sure, there is so much to this and having to nurture myself through this might be the biggest lesson of all.

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A symbol has so much meaning and is something that you can recall when needing that little reminder of why you are doing what you are doing, what you want for the future and the type of person you want to be.

I wonder what your symbol is for 2016

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For some this time of year is all about the wonder, the warmth, the connection and a glorious sense of family, friends, giving and receiving love. Yet over the past weeks I have spent a lot of time with those trying to make sense of their Christmas being a very different story.

There are the people that receive the beautiful large extravagant gifts yet feel completely alone and crave quality time being spent with others instead of wanting for nothing materialistic. Or have had a tough year financially and are not sure if they can even get food on the table little own the extras.

Some are just getting through and portray that everything is going well yet behind the scenes things are crumbling. There are those that feel completely anxious about whether everything is up to standard for their guests and spend an extraordinary amount of time getting things just right or worrying about the what it means for them as a person if it all doesn’t come together.

Then there is how to navigate the fact that there is someone very dear missing, they are truly missed whether it be that they can’t bring themselves into conflict and are sparing the arguments by staying away. They might be working, overseas or interstate with circumstances or finances preventing them from being present.

Then there is how to make sense knowing that this is the last Christmas with a loved one and how to capture every moment to recall in the future. There is also the heartbreaking reality that death brings, the space at the table that was once filled with love that now offers a huge void with days like Christmas being a huge reminder (no matter how long it has been) of their loss.

So what is my wish?

It about having the space and time to express whatever is happening on this day for you. It’s the joy, connection and love but also the reality of grief, of loss, of resentment, of homesickness, aloneness – whatever it is – allow space for it and express it rather than push it aside or have it come out as projected anger, in potent words or self destructive behaviour. Don’t allow others to shut it down, create a private space (with others if that’s what you need) to connect to what you need, whether it be sadness, memories, happiness, pride, gratefulness or grief.

The reality is that Christmas can bring up so many insecurities, abandonments, lost opportunities and loss. Let’s be mindful and know that it doesn’t have to be the glossy magazine type set up, allow yourself to feel what Christmas is for you and find ways to express and connect to what works for you.

If it’s a Christmas with all the trimmings or if it means pretending it is not happening, then do what is best for you and your own wellbeing.

Heres to a safe, expression filled day with moments just for you.

Take care

Bel

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